Shadow Work: What It Really Is & How to Start

What Shadow Work Really Is (and What It’s Not)

Shadow work isn’t about becoming “healed.” It’s not about fixing what’s broken, or becoming someone entirely new.

It’s about meeting yourself in your rawest, most honest state—turning toward the parts of you that have been buried, hidden, or rejected. Not to judge them. Not to exile them. But to understand them. To welcome them home.

Your “shadow” isn’t bad. It’s the part of you that’s been waiting to be seen.

Shadow work is the process of exploring the insecurities, fears, patterns, and beliefs that live just beneath the surface. The ones that influence your relationships, your reactions, your sense of self—often without you realizing it.

And no, it doesn’t always look like journaling by candlelight (though it can). Sometimes it’s far more subtle… and far more confronting.

It looks like:

• Feeling defensive when someone gives you feedback, and pausing to ask yourself why it hurts so much.

• Noticing you’re stuck in another relationship that feels familiar in all the wrong ways—and daring to ask why.

• Letting grief, anger, or fear rise without trying to immediately push it away.

  
  

Shadow work isn’t trendy. It’s not polished. It’s real, vulnerable, and deeply personal.

And it can change your life.

Is Shadow Work for You?

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in the same emotional loops—

If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep doing this?”—

If you’ve felt too much, not enough, or like no one ever really sees you—

This work is for you.

Shadow work is for the deep feelers, the cycle-breakers, the ones who want more from their lives and more from themselves. It’s for the ones who’ve learned to survive—and are ready to learn how to thrive.

Why Shadow Work Matters

When you avoid your shadow, it doesn’t disappear—it just runs the show in the background.

You might:

• Stay in relationships that don’t feel aligned because they feel “safe” in a familiar, painful way.

• Sabotage opportunities that feel too big, because deep down, you’re afraid of both failure and success.

• Settle for less, not because you want to, but because a part of you doesn’t believe you deserve more.

Shadow work helps you reclaim your power.

It helps you stop living from wounds and start creating from a place of wholeness.

When you meet your shadow with compassion, the shame begins to loosen. You no longer have to live inside old stories just to feel safe.

How to Start Shadow Work: 6 Tools to Begin

You don’t need to dive in headfirst. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

Start small. Let your nervous system stay with you. Let curiosity guide you instead of judgment.

Here are six foundational tools to begin your shadow work practice:

1. Notice Your Triggers

Triggers are emotional breadcrumbs. They point to an unhealed wound—not a flaw.

Start by simply noticing:

• When you feel defensive at work or in a conversation

• When jealousy flares up with a friend’s success

• When panic rises from a seemingly small rejection

  
  

Ask yourself:

• Why does this feel so big?

• What story is this reaction telling me?

• Have I felt this way before?

  
  

Tip: Pause. Breathe. Get curious. Your triggers are invitations—not signs you’re broken.

2. Journal with Intention

Journaling helps bring the unconscious to light. It isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty.

Try:

• Reflecting on a recent argument. What deeper wound did it bring up?

• Exploring childhood memories around conflict, rejection, or belonging.

  
  

Prompts to get you started:

• What part of me am I avoiding?

• What story have I been telling myself about this situation?

• What would change if I let that story go?

  
  

Tip: Be honest, even if it’s messy. You’re not here to perform. You’re here to meet yourself.

3. Try Automatic Writing

This is stream-of-consciousness writing—no editing, no filtering, just letting it flow.

Ideas:

• Write a letter to your younger self, or your future self.

• Set a timer for 10 minutes and let your thoughts pour out.

Questions to explore:

• If I stopped trying to control everything, what might surface?

• What’s been trying to get my attention lately?

Tip: After writing, reread gently. Highlight what stands out. There’s often a pattern hiding in plain sight.

4. Sit with Your Emotions

We’re often taught to suppress emotion—to be “strong,” to “move on.” But true strength comes from feeling.

Shadow work means letting your emotions move through you:

• Let yourself cry in the shower

• Scream into a pillow

• Shake your arms and legs

• Sit with the feeling instead of fixing it

Honor vs. Wallow:

• Honoring means letting the emotion exist without judgment.

• Wallowing means attaching to the story and staying stuck.

Ask: What does this emotion want me to know?

Bonus Tip: Put a hand on your chest. Breathe. Remind yourself: I am safe to feel this.

5. Visualize Self-Compassion

Try this practice when you feel disconnected from yourself or stuck in old pain.

1. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths.

2. Picture a version of yourself—your 7-year-old self, your teenage self, or the you that just survived a hard season.

3. Imagine them standing in front of you. What do they feel? What do they need?

4. Say what they long to hear:

   • “You are safe with me.”

   • “I see you. I love you.”

   • “I won’t abandon you again.”

5. Visualize holding them close or taking their hand. Let them soften.

Tip: If visualization is hard, write a letter to that version of you. Start with: “I know it wasn’t fair, and I’m so sorry you had to carry it alone.”

6. Ground Yourself

Shadow work can stir a lot. You’ll need tools to stay rooted.

Try:

• Walking barefoot on the grass

• Holding an ice cube when emotions feel overwhelming

• Letting cold water run over your hands and imagining the weight leaving your body

Repeat grounding phrases like:

• I am here.

• I am safe.

• I am allowed to slow down.

Tip: Make grounding a regular practice—not just something you reach for in crisis. It builds emotional resilience.

✦ Need a Little Extra Support?

My Beginner’s Guide to Shadow Work is just $7 and includes journal prompts, rituals, and foundational tools to help you start your healing journey in a gentle, guided way.➝ Grab your guide here

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Broken

Shadow work isn’t about self-improvement in the way we’re often taught. It’s about self-remembrance. Self-reclamation.

It’s about meeting all of your parts—the strong, the scared, the soft, the sharp—and offering them love.

This work is hard. It’s vulnerable. It’s not always pretty.

But it’s worth it.

You’re not broken.

You’re breaking open.

And you are not doing this alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is shadow work overwhelming or dangerous?

It can feel intense, especially if you go too deep too fast. That’s why nervous system regulation and grounding are so important. Start slow, listen to your body, and honor your limits.

How often should I do shadow work?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people journal daily, others reflect weekly. The key is consistency without pressure. Make space for it when you feel called—not forced.

Do I need a therapist or coach to do shadow work?

Not necessarily. Many people begin shadow work on their own. But if trauma or mental health challenges come up, working with a trained professional is always supportive. You don’t have to carry it all alone.

Keep Going

➝ Coming Soon: [Shadow Work & Triggers: Why They Matter More Than You Think]

➝ Coming Soon: [The Emotion You’ve Been Avoiding (and What It’s Trying to Say)]

➝ Coming Soon: [Shadow Work & the Body: How Emotions Live in Your Nervous System]